Mindful Manic Mama
The Quest for Living a Meaningful and Mindful Life While Moving at the Hyperspeed of a Manic Mama in Washington, DC
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Everything is Happening
Thursday, August 28, 2014
A Letter to My Son on his First Days of School
Thursday, June 19, 2014
20 Years
20 years
2 decades
3 degrees
50 lbs
3 states
8 jobs
4 promotions
1 career
3 apartments
1 house
4 boyfriends
46 bad dates
1 true love
3 pregnancies
2 kids
200+miles ran
2 half-marathons crushed
countless relationships that withered away and even more that have blossomed around me
And yet, this says nothing about who I am, what I've learned. What I've let go of and what still nags in my ear.
So much has happened since I graduated from high school 20 years ago. I was so impatient to leave - to get away and start my own life with my own rules, on my own terms. I left the town of-course, not realizing the anxieties, insecurities and fears were already packed away, ready to travel with me to my next adventure right along alongside my dorm decor and crimping iron (?!?!?!)
If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing it would be this - you will be ok. you will not always be comfortable or happy but you will be ok. you are stronger than you know. stronger than you ever thought possible. you will know love and loss, the likes of which you never realized you had capacity to feel and that will add to your bad-assed strongness. not everyone will like you and that's ok so stop focusing on that. save that attention and energy for liking yourself. compare you to you and do it with compassion.
as i sit on a plane headed to my HS reunion, the tried and true worries try to sneak into my bag to travel with me - will everyone look better than me? will they have accomplished MORE great things? be more satisfied with life? will I fit in and have people to talk to? should I wear the expensive jeans or the cute dress to look my best yet effortless?
so unlike my 18 year old self I will hear these worries, marvel at the tenacity of them to persevere for so long, and let them go. I don't need them for this trip. i have my running shoes and my dancing shoes packed and frankly there's no more space. I have friends to see, a mom to chill with and wonderful childhood friends waiting for my arrival. I have kids at home that I love so much that I have to leave them once in awhile so that my heart (or my head) doesn't explode. i have a husband that says go have fun and come home to us relaxed and ready to jump back in.
so here i go.
bring on the Aqua Net!
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Goddess
Like many others that wear this amazing badge of ‘mother’, I’m a planer. A worrier, a doer. I multitask, organize and end the day with a million scenarios playing out in my head. Even the mundane tasks are not immune to my neurosis – every decision an opportunity for research, public opinion polling and hours of agonizing. My journals turn quickly from romantic prose to to-do lists and pro’s and con lists of whatever I’m debating at the time:
~ Nike ~ the Goddess of Strength, Speed & Victory and She Resides with Me!
Monday, April 7, 2014
My child, my teacher: my messy beautiful
When I envisioned myself as a mother, I had images of myself as a wise-all-knowing and yet still extremely hip/fun and relatable modern woman. My kids would turn to me with curiously piqued, thoughtful questions bubbling up inside them and there I would be- armed with years of education, professional and personal life experiences at the ready. Parents are the first teachers, isn't that how the saying goes? Uh, if so, my family is royally screwed. Sure my kids ask questions nonstop (and always at bedtime) but they're never the questions you're prepared for:
- When will you die?
- How will I die
- Does God see me all the time
Friday, July 20, 2012
Running
I'm running towards the love of a baby, the adoration of an almost 4 year old and the belief that if I run fast enough, smart enough, I can keep us all safe. I can keep us all happy.
I run through my day at work to get back to them. I run out of my house to get into my office to do it all over again.
But last night, I laced up my shoes and ran for real where it matters and where it belongs - on the track. It was 95 degrees but I ran. I wanted to stop but I ran. I found others that shared my need to move and my desire to stop and we ran together.
Then I walked into my house and I stopped running.
When the running stops the rest of my life is allowed space to come back into focus.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
You'll Always Be My Baby
My little man, it's been quite the week! You are officially sans tonsils and adenoids and as expected, you did much better than your manic mama with the whole thing. You were such a brave guy and thanks to the fabulous book, Goodbye Tonsils were so well prepared for it - wowing the surgical center with your pronunciation of ane-sthesi-ologist and your in-depth questions. So many questions. We had a goodbye tonsil party with a cake a la Juliana and by the time we woke before dawn to head to Georgetown Hospital, you were excited that the big day was finally here.
So excited you hopefully didn't notice my forced smile, my shortness of breath and my utter disbelief that we were about to load you up and and hand you off to some of the highest qualified strangers with sharp sticks and "magic masks" in the country.
You see, though you now look like a teenager in comparison to your baby sis and think you're Sooooo Biggggg you're still just 3. Still a baby and most importantly, still my baby. I see now why the creepy lady in that book of yours that always makes me cry/wince climbs through the window of her grown son to rock him while sleeping.
Not only do I understand, I fully expect that I'll attempt the same perilous climb so if you could plan ahead and opt for a ranch style single story layout for dear old mama's sake, I'd appreciate it!
RBN, 4 weeks |